if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
