??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
