Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
