i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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