I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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