too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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