I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
