So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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