Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
