some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
