never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
