the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
and you fell through a lawn chair
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
