She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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