you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
