hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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