Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
