an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am naked and annoyed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
