Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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