I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
