Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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