where am i from again
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
