I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
