it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
