By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We're too hungover to prance.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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