Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
