Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
