So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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