You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
