You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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