i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
