so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
