I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
