I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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