Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
