just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
