That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
