Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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