it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
