my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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