We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
