It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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