Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
