So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
