All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
