We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
