We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
