Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
