the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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