Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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