By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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