Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
