So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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