My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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