when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize