There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
