Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
