Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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