While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
