the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
