Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
