I can text with my tongue
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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