smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
