the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
