Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
