Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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