im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
