bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
