So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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